I’ve recently started watching the show “No Ordinary Family” mostly because it has the fantastic Julie Benz as the female lead and also because… Wait no that’s pretty much it. The show is all about a family that suddenly gains superpowers and so naturally for the past week or so I’ve done nothing but convince myself of how awesome it would be if I had super powers and even worse, that one day it will happen.

It’s kind of a lot like that time when I was in kindergarten and I convinced my entire class that I was secretly a superhero with the power to turn into shadows. And I’d prove it by standing under a small tree, distracting them and then hiding behind it. They were so scared of me. It. Was. Awesome.

But now I think I’d settle for telekinesis or the power to teleport places. Mostly because those would save so much time with normal stuff and also, I guess help me with the whole fighting crime thing. But fighting crime seriously takes a back seat to me not having to get up from my bed to turn the lights off. That would be so great.

Also, Tumblr, do not try and tell me that “teleport” is not a word. It definitely is. This is like that time I was texting my friend to tell her that I couldn’t go out because I had a cold and my iPhone auto-corrected it to say “I can’t, I have a coal.” And then she got all confused and worried and I kept trying to explain to her that I wasn’t one of the miners that was trapped underground. But she’s kind of stubborn and didn’t believe me. I did get a really nice text from her though once they got all the miners out safely that went something like, “So glad to hear that you made it out okay! Also, now that you aren’t dying: You owe me $20 for dinner the other night. Just a reminder.”

She’s so sweet.

-The Gay

I was just reading an article about literally the best piece of news I’ve heard all day. I mean, not to mention the best movement ever in gay rights history.

That’s right. I’m talking about the Westboro Baptist Church picketing a Justin Bieber Concert.

Now stick with me here, I’m not calling Justin gay (yet) but this is literally the best thing that could ever happen to the gay community.

Um… I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed how vicious the Bieber fanbase is.. but on a good day it is literally like that scene in Lord of the Rings with that giant orc army scaling the walls of some fortress trying to kill Orlando Bloom for being too pretty or something.*

*I’ve never actually seen Lord of the Rings.

Okay so wait, if you don’t know who the Westboro Baptist Church is, let me fill you in. It’s basically like walking into a forum on 4chan but they’re all dressed up like nuns and telling you that you’re a fag and that you deserve to die….

….So it’s basically like walking into a forum on 4chan.

And it’s literally just a group of people that believe that America is doomed because we don’t want to fry the gays for being the gays. And because of this they hold protests at soldiers’ funerals claiming that this is God “cleaning up America’s mess” and shit like that.

Messed. Da fuck. Up.

And up until now there’s been nothing that we can do about them because the police can’t touch them due to free speech and we can’t touch them or we’ll be arrested. It’s this whole big thing.

But now all bets are off. Because this isn’t just like the police department or the U.S. military that they’re dealing with.

They’re dealing with the Bieber army. And this is big shit. This is like the Westboro Baptist Church taking on Oprah: There’s just no walking away from it. One winner. One survivor. A battle to the death.

And if you don’t believe how vicious the Bieber army is then just go ahead and take a second and watch this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAAg6ePGZUE&feature=player_embedded

Yeah. Are you frightened yet? God it’s like watching Cloverfield all over again. And that’s what they do when they’re happy. I don’t even wanna think of the damage they could cause if someone took away their Justin Bieber bobble-head dolls or their Twilight gameboy cases.

Also just throwing it out there that this is probably counteractive towards the WBC’s goal. All this is probably going to do is get Justin Bieber’s fanbase (which consists mainly of the younger generation of the world) to hate those speaking out against gays. Thus pretty much turning them pro-gay.

So basically we win again Westboro Baptist Church.

I mean honestly, WBC, this is like that time you tried to take on Superheroes.

Love,

The Gay