I just got upset because I couldn’t find my coffee cup after I put it down to open my door. I’m thinking this might be an indication that I need to get more than one hour of sleep, but I’ve decided not to risk it.

I mean, I feel like eventually my lack of sleep is going to lead to me losing my mind and eventually burning out Mimi from Rent style like at the end when she almost dies (spoilers. oops.) only instead of almost dying from drug addiction it will actually just be me falling asleep for the first time in two weeks. And possibly also from drug addiction.

Or did she almost die from AIDS? I mean, I’m not even sure at this point. I just know that she was addicted to crack or heroin or something. Possibly pain killers.

Speaking of: I woke up with a really bad headache this morning. Is it bad if I take more than 10 ibuprofen at once? Even if the headache was really bad?

Also if you say yes, we may have a problem.

On that note, one thing I’m getting extremely tired of is justifying myself on facebook. So I’m going to stop doing it. I mean, if I post something about being a drug addict and you can’t figure out that it’s a joke then I guess you’re going to look like a dick when you tell everyone I’m addicted to heroin and I get sent to rehab but it’s actually really the place they sent Lindsay and Mary Kate and I end up getting free spa treatment. So really I’m the only one who wins here.

-The Gay

Good morning world. It’s Friday, February 26th and there’s a 30% chance that WHAT THE FUCK?

ANOTHER FUCKING SNOW DAY?!

Seriously world, go light yourself on fire. Spring, I’m sick of your shit. You better get your goddamn act together and get in the fucking game here. Fall did alright, Summer played a good game, but Spring, you are literally being a giant vagina right now and letting Winter fuck shit up. Unacceptable. My fucking ellio’s pizza is done. I’ll be back in a minute to fucking continue this, Spring.

Wait guys, my Ellio’s has boobs. It decided it would be a really funny joke to just grow two huge bubbles while it was cooking. But they’re on opposite sides of each other, are huge, and are perfectly symmetrical. My ellios has boobs. This is what I’m telling the world. I have pizza boobs.

P.S. Don’t ever google image “pizza boobs.” Even if you’re doing it to find a funny picture for your blog. I promise you it isn’t worth it, so please for the love of Gaga don’t.

Okay so I’ve done a study and deduced that food is good.

Speaking of food, here’s some food for thought(yeah, cop-out food.) : What if Miley Cyrus didn’t hop off the plane at LAX? What if, instead, she crashed on the LOST island? These are the questions people need to start asking themselves. The important questions.

Wait. What if she did? What if she is the smoke monster? Fuck, guys. I just won LOST. Wrap it up, guys, I’ve won LOST. We can all start heading back now, I won. I just spoiled the rest of the season, so honestly you don’t even need to watch it, you can just leave now knowing that Miley Cyrus is the smoke monster on LOST.

So as my prize for winning LOST, I’ll accept David Archuleta’s v-card. And also his k-card??? Because as far as the adoring fans know, he’s still never had his first kiss. Aww.

Although this may be another Jonas scam. You know what I’m talking about. How they’re actually crab people.

-The Gay