I was telling my friend about a dream that I had today, and I think that I have a serious problem because apparently dream-me is even more stupid and forgetful than awake-me and that’s kind of not good because I’m the guy who didn’t know that your social security card was an actual card. I thought it was like how your birth certificate is just a myth. You know, if you’re a terrorist. (That was not me admitting to being a terrorist, by the way. I have a birth certificate. I think. I’ll check later, but either way I’m about 95% sure that I’m not a terrorist.)

So in the dream, me and my friend were Skyping and I was telling him all about how I was fighting with Dailybooth because it wasn’t letting me book flights for my out-of-country friends to come visit me. Or for my in-country friends to come visit me. But, really, looking back on it, I think it was my fault for forgetting that Dailybooth is not an airport. So, I apologize, Dailybooth.

But then my friend was all “Aww, well I’ll come visit you!” And I thought that was so sweet of him because everyone else was making me book their flights for them, although that was possibly because they thought that I was kidding because they knew that Dailybooth wasn’t an airport because they weren’t on crack when they fell asleep.

I know that there was more to the dream but I can’t remember it probably because the Men in Black used that mind-erasing device on me when I woke up to protect valuable government information that I learned in my sleep. Or possibly I’m just very forgetful. I’m leaning towards the first one. But don’t tell Will Smith. Or Willow Smith, actually, because now that I think about it, her name is dangerously close to “Will Smith” and I think she might just be Will Smith in disguise, wanting to re-live his popstar days. Wait, was Will Smith a popstar? I should google these things before I write them.

Conclusion: I should probably just stop going to sleep because my dreams don’t make any sense. Or possibly I should sleep more. I’m not sure which.

Also, in my dream, my friend got really bored while I was in the middle of my story, and he hasn’t responded since I told him about the dream. So I think it’s safe to assume that I’m psychic. I should team up with Raven and slowly but surely takeover the world, one life-lesson-teaching vision at a time.

Which, now that I think about it, is probably why Will Smith was trying to erase my memory. Well played, Agent J. Well played.

-The Gay

UPDATE: My friend finally responded and apparently I’m not psychic. Unless he was being sarcastic when he said “riveting tale, chap.” Which, normally I’d just automatically take that as sarcasm, but he’s Australian so you can never be too sure.

I just got upset because I couldn’t find my coffee cup after I put it down to open my door. I’m thinking this might be an indication that I need to get more than one hour of sleep, but I’ve decided not to risk it.

I mean, I feel like eventually my lack of sleep is going to lead to me losing my mind and eventually burning out Mimi from Rent style like at the end when she almost dies (spoilers. oops.) only instead of almost dying from drug addiction it will actually just be me falling asleep for the first time in two weeks. And possibly also from drug addiction.

Or did she almost die from AIDS? I mean, I’m not even sure at this point. I just know that she was addicted to crack or heroin or something. Possibly pain killers.

Speaking of: I woke up with a really bad headache this morning. Is it bad if I take more than 10 ibuprofen at once? Even if the headache was really bad?

Also if you say yes, we may have a problem.

On that note, one thing I’m getting extremely tired of is justifying myself on facebook. So I’m going to stop doing it. I mean, if I post something about being a drug addict and you can’t figure out that it’s a joke then I guess you’re going to look like a dick when you tell everyone I’m addicted to heroin and I get sent to rehab but it’s actually really the place they sent Lindsay and Mary Kate and I end up getting free spa treatment. So really I’m the only one who wins here.

-The Gay