Alright, let’s preface this by the fact that I only came in halfway through and it’s strictly because I read on twitter that Julie Benz would be presenting. Also the fact that Christina was performing was a big plus.
I mostly forgot everything so this is pretty much just a collection/elaboration on what my Facebook statuses were as this was all going down:
First thing I see when I turn on the TV? Taylor Swift looking super hot. First thing I hear when I turn on the TV? Taylor Swift sounding… Not so hot.
I just want her to be good so badly. But it isn’t happening. Then I think Pink performed or something. All I know is that there was chicken, and I was going to eat it no matter what.
Christina’s performance was amazing as always. Could’ve used more insane riffs just to remind everyone not to fuck with her. But still really good.
Justin Bieber won a lot of awards that night. His performance wasn’t that bad. And the boy can actually sing (he was discovered off of youtube for god’s sake) so I tend to give him the benefit of the doubt, hoping that one day he’ll Timberlake. But when he won his second award… Oh my god. First of all he went by trying to high-five a bunch of other artists and more than half of them just stood there with a “Don’t touch me” look. Then he gets up on stage and right after he says that he’s happy that he won the award, there’s about a ten second pause where you can almost hear him thinking “Oh, fuck. I totally didn’t think I’d win two of these. Who do I thank now? The same people as before? WAIT… I’ve got it.”
….And then he thanked Michael Jackson because “none of us would be here if it wasn’t for him.” And that’s when I lost the rest of my respect for Bieber.
Also: Usher, it would probably help if you sang some of your song.
Then they brought out the presenters for the next award and uh… Apparently Avril Lavigne still exists? Who knew? She made a really unfunny joke too. It was really just a very sad moment for her and for the world.
Then Train came out. My Facebook status at this point was literally just “Train… WHAT did Ke$ha do to your pants?” There was so much glitter that she was definitely at least partially responsible. And what was with the extremely low-budget back up dancer costumes? Really, Train? Teenage girls with shirts that just say “Soul Sister” on them?
This is the moment where I almost wet myself. Because Julie Benz came on stage and announced Ke$ha’s performance. Which was actually good.
First impression: Wait, did… Did Ke$ha shower for this performance? She actually looks really good. What the hell? Stunt double? FYI though, Kesh, if you’re going to cross out the word “HATE” on your guitar, smashing it is going to deliver the wrong message. But she sounded good. I think she should’ve ditched the back-ups and just belted the shit out of the song. Because the girl proved that she can sing. Now prove that it wasn’t a lucky break.
Then I have a status about how I thought that Nick Cannon was married to Beyonce but that has nothing to do with the AMAs. I think it was because I stopped paying attention after Bieber beat Gaga and Katy for “Best Artist” or whatever that award was. Are we forgetting that Firework happened, you guys?
Then… The Backstreet Boys/New Kids on the Block happened… My initial reaction: “Oooo… This is embarrassing. It’s so obvious that none of you have sang in 10 years.” But then Nick Carter opened his mouth and he was actually kind of good. Or maybe he just looked really hot. I forget which one.
My biggest problem with it was that they gave the Backstreet’s version of Scary Spice the most solos. Then I had a conversation with myself that went something like “Wait, where’s Justin Timberlake? Oh, he was in NSYNC? Then where’s Lance Bass? …Wait, him too? What about the guy who played Chip Skylark in The Fairly Odd Parents? Wait, so who was in the Backstreet Boys?”
I was a Britney boy.
-The Gay
